


Four times Alex Drake looked after her team and one time they looked after her

by youstupidplonk



Category: Ashes to Ashes (UK TV)
Genre: 4+1, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, These idiots are ruining my life I swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:01:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28242828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youstupidplonk/pseuds/youstupidplonk
Summary: Part of being a team is looking after each other.It turns out, Alex has a talent for looking after her team, a talent that doesn't go unnoticed.Major spoilers for 2x07, 2x08, 3x02, 3x03 and 3x08
Relationships: Alex Drake/Gene Hunt, Shaz Granger/Chris Skelton
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Chris

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! 
> 
> This fic is literally just fluff and hurt/comfort (I'm sorry). 
> 
> I started this about two months ago but have only just finished the first chapter so haven't been able to publish it until now. 
> 
> This chapter takes place during 2x08 and the aftermath of finding out who the traitor is and pretty much all of the dialogue is from the episode, which I take no credit for .:) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! :)

Alex was running on next to no sleep as she walked to the station on autopilot. The last few days really had taken their toll, not only on the Gene but on the entire station. Chris’s treachery had caused a rift she wasn’t sure would ever be closed. Even Ray and Shaz, who three days ago would both have thrown themselves off London bridge for Chris, couldn’t look at him when they found out the truth. As far as she knew she was the only one still able to have conversations with Chris. The Guv would occasionally bark orders to him, but without the underlying affection Alex knew he held for his team.

As far as she was aware she was the only person who had spoken to Chris and had had him speak back. She had noticed Shaz sending him glances across CID which he either hadn’t seen or was ignoring. Internally she cursed the two of them for not just talking to each other. She didn’t blame Shaz for reacting the way she did. It must have been a shock for her, and Alex wouldn’t have been surprised if she felt some guilt, however unnecessary it was. Equally, she couldn’t bring herself to give Chris the cold shoulder. She didn’t think the others were being fair to him. Surely they could see he hadn't done it to hurt them, he’d wanted to best for Shaz and paid a price for it. 

She had been so caught up in her thoughts about Chris she hadn’t realised she’d arrived at the station. She took a minute to catch her breath and enjoy the relative calm of the outside of the station. CID had been so quiet the last few days, it felt so wrong. Sighing, she pushed herself off the wall and continued her journey across the car park. As she reached the bottom of the stairs she caught sight of a familiar denim jacket. 

Chris was staring at the ground, a cigarette between his fingers. Alex wondered whether he knew he was going to be late for work, or if he just didn’t care anymore. Slowly she stepped forward and spoke. 

“Chris?” 

He didn’t jump, but when he turned around she couldn’t miss the rabbit-in-the-headlights look he gave her. Her heart broke slightly as her eyes met his. She could see every emotion in his eyes clear as day. The guilt, the anxiety, the disappointment in himself. None of this was really his fault. As his superior, she felt slightly responsible, if someone had noticed and spoken to him, maybe things wouldn’t have gone as far as they did. She almost told him as much but before she could he shook his head. 

“I can’t go back”

With four words he answered every question she might have asked him, while simultaneously shutting down any further discussion. She wondered if he would have stayed outside all day had she not spotted him. Realising Chris was staring at her she shook her head. 

“Yes you can” she held out her hand to him “Walk in with me, come on”. She’d hoped that maybe if they came in together it would be easier. Chris couldn’t stay out here all day, but she also knew how reluctant he was to go back. 

He shook his head ”No Ma’am“ Alex felt her stomach drop as she realised he had tears in his eyes. “You don’t get it” he gestured to her half-heartedly “That way you’re looking at me, that’s the way they look at Kurt Russel when they think he’s the thing in-” he broke off, like he’d lost his train of thought “in well the thing.” Alex went to shake her head but Chris carried on “When they think he’s a monster on the inside. I can’t take that”

Alex felt tears sting in the back of her eyes. Angry though CID had been with Chris, she couldn’t believe that any of them really believed that. She was certain Shaz didn’t. Gene was probably angry with himself as much as he was with Chris for not doing something to stop it and the only way he could deal with that was to take it out on Chris. Holding out her hand she nodded her head “Come on, it’ll be alright”. 

For a second she expected Chris to argue, but then he stepped towards her. She smiled and put her arm around him as they walked into the station together. 

~~~~~~

Alex leaned against the wall, blinking back the tears in her eyes. Why now? Of all the times Summers could have passed the tape over it was just when Gene questioned the loyalty of everyone on his team. Glancing at the noticeboard behind her one of the posters taunted her with the fact that she was halfway there. 25ml. 

With a frustrated sigh, she tore the poster down and crumpled it in her hand. She wasn’t aware she was being watched until Shaz spoke.

“Ma’am?” Alex looked over at her and felt her heart sink again. Shaz had clearly spent the better part of the last twenty-four hours in tears but was also aware something had happened to upset her superior. There was an air of her not wanting to trouble Alex, but clearly desperately needing help. Alex swallowed down the sob rising in her chest and turned to Shaz, who continued “I think they got in touch with Chris again. The operation rose people? He took a call earlier-” she broke off, emotion clearly starting to get the better of her. 

Shaking off her own emotion Alex dropped her voice “Where is he Shaz?” she asked, hoping that Shaz knew. 

She shrugged “I honestly don’t know ma’am, he stormed out of the door by my desk.” She paused, thinking about something “I mean when we go out for walks at lunch we normally go out through the car park. We could maybe try there?” Shaz bit her lip, her eyes flooded with uncertainty, which was enough to snap Alex into action. 

Nodding decisively she held her arm out to Shaz “Ok, We’ll start there.”

~~~~~~

As they ran through the car park Alex felt her anxiety growing. Although she didn’t _think_ Chris would do anything drastic, he clearly wasn’t in a good frame of mind and the sooner they found him the better. 

Turning the corner into the underpass she stopped short. Chris lent against a patrol car, his face a mask of wretchedness that Alex feared would never change. 

Looking up at the sound of someone approaching the mask slipped slightly, as a look of panic crossed Chris’s face at the sight of Shaz and Alex. He pushed off the car and turned “Go away” he muttered weakly as he walked away from them. 

Alex stepped forward to be level with Shaz “Chris they called you, didn’t they?” She began calmly “They still think you’re with them.” It wasn’t a problem to keep her tone neutral. Although Chris had clearly made a mistake, it hadn’t been made maliciously. He deserved a second chance, even if only two members of the team were willing to give it to him. 

At Alex’s words, Chris turned around, “Well I’m not OK?” he snapped “I’m NOT!” 

Alex wasn’t taken aback by his apparent hostility. She knew he was struggling and lashing out was more than likely self-defense. She consciously ignored the outburst and continued with her questions “Where did the call come from?” 

Chris shook his head slightly “Another police station- I think” his voice carried uncertainty, he looked between Alex and Shaz and stepped away from them “Just leave me alone, please.”

Alex cursed internally. Clearly, Chris wasn’t going to let them help him and that broke her heart. She stepped forward as if to follow him but was beaten to it by Shaz, who suddenly sprang into action. “Chris please” she called after him, increasing her pace to catch up with him. Alex, realising what was going on quickly followed.

Although Chris didn’t speak to either of them, he did stop and turn around. Shaz took a few deep breaths before looking Chris in the eye “It was ‘an ‘orrible shock but I am not ashamed of you Chris, I’m proud of you” 

Chris looked down “How could you possibly be proud of me” as he looked back up, Alex saw all the reasons why Chris felt he didn’t deserve Shaz’s pride, maybe he never felt like he had. 

Shaz shook her head, tears filling her eyes “Because you care when you get it wrong.” Her voice cracked slightly and she paused for a moment “It matters to you”, she fought down a sob before continuing “That takes something special. I love you for that.” She stopped, searching his face for some, any indication that he believed her “D’you hear me? I love you” she repeated, almost desperately. 

The anger and hostility that had been written on Chris’s face only a few minutes ago had been replaced with something else. Raw, desperate guilt, but for the first time in forty-eight hours Alex swore she could see a faint glimmer of hope in his eyes. He looked up at Shaz “Do you?”

At Chris’s comment, she shook her head and laughed softly “Of course I do you ‘nana.” Her laughter quickly died down and she took a deep breath, dropping her gaze for a moment before bringing her head back up she met Chris’s eyes “Now I’ve got a wedding dress fitting tomorrow” she paused like she was waiting for a reaction. When Chris didn’t speak she carried on “Am I going to it? Am I Christopher?” 

Although Alex couldn’t see Shaz’s face, she could hear the uncertainty weighing down her voice. Chris had taken it as a given that the wedding was off, even when Shaz had offered him an olive branch earlier he had ignored it. She began to think through what she could do if he didn’t take this one. 

Luckily she didn’t need to think for long. Chris considered Shaz’s question for a few minutes before smiling, the first genuine smile Alex had seen from him in days, he then brought his hand up to Shaz’s face and kissed her. 

Alex felt herself smile and relax slightly. She knew that this wouldn’t fix everything for Chris, not by a long shot, but at least he had Shaz back, someone else in his corner. Alex knew that once one team member had come round, the rest of them would follow.


	2. Shaz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You're such a good cop Shaz and you're getting better by the day_ \- Series 3 Epsiode 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya!
> 
> So this chapter is set during 3x02, between the team finding Shaz and the scene in Luigi's. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

After seeing Mclean into the ambulance Alex, Ray, and Chris picked their way back across the wasteland towards the Quattro. Alex almost didn’t want to let him get in the ambulance, not after what he’d done to those innocent women. What he’d nearly got away with doing to Shaz, the thought of what could have happened simultaneously made her blood boil and run cold. For the first time since her arrival in the 1980s, she had actively wanted Ray and Chris to beat a suspect, she probably would have joined them. Stealing a glance at the two of them, they looked like they were thinking the same. Ray, for all his complaining about Shaz, he’d looked terrified when it became clear McLean had become violent and as for Chris, it was clear to Alex and probably everyone that he still loved her. If they hadn’t had to keep Mclean safe until the ambulance arrived Alex was sure there was at least an even chance that Chris would’ve killed him. She knew the only reason they hadn’t touched him was because if he’d died before the ambulance arrived then he wouldn’t have been able to confess and his victims would never get justice. 

After walking for what felt like hours, finally, they could see the headlight of the Quattro ahead of them. The driver’s side door was open and Shaz was sitting in the driving seat, a blanket wrapped around her. Gene had been pacing up and down in front of her, only stopping when he caught sight of the other three. As they approached Alex sped up a bit, putting some distance between her, Chris, and Ray. She dropped her voice and nodded her head towards Shaz “How is she?” she asked softly. 

Gene didn’t answer for a few seconds, he flicked the cigarette he’d been smoking to the ground and crushed it under his boot. “I tell you what Bolls” he muttered darkly “It’s just as bloody well I didn’t join the chase.” he glanced back at Shaz and Alex caught sight of her for the first time. She looked so young and fragile it brought all of Alex’s anger back and she unconsciously clenched her fist. She almost missed Gene’s next words “I don’t think I could have stopped myself from snapping the bastard’s neck” he growled, cracking his knuckles as he spoke. 

Alex dropped her voice again, aware that Ray and Chris were beginning to catch up with them. “I’ll be honest Guv. I thought about putting him out of his misery” she paused “but the little shit still has to confess. It’s the only way any of his victims will get justice”. Looking over Gene’s shoulder she gestured to Shaz “Should I…?”

“Yes,” Gene was quick to reply. “I tried my best but equally I’m not really famed for my comforting and reassuring presence, I think you’d do better than me Bolly” 

Alex nodded as Gene brushed past her to talk to Ray and Chris. Slowly she walked towards Shaz, who was almost curled up into a ball in the front seat of the Quattro. She spoke softly, not wanting to startle Shaz after what she’d been through. “How are you Shaz?”

Shaz didn’t look up, Alex wasn’t completely sure she would answer until she whispered back “m’ fine Ma’am, thanks” as she spoke she drew the blanket closer around her and seemed to shrink down into it. 

Alex didn’t reply immediately, she knelt down next to Shaz carefully and gently placed her hand on Shaz’s shoulder, when she did so, Shaz shifted slightly closer to her. Without speaking Alex quickly stood back up and pulled Shaz into a hug, which Shaz didn’t resist. Resting her cheek on top of Shaz’s head she moved one hand up and down Shaz’s back in an attempt to comfort her. “You did so well tonight Shaz” She whispered, “We’re so so proud of you”. Alex was vaguely aware of Shaz shaking her head and opened her mouth to try and reinforce what she just said when someone behind them cleared their throat. Shaz tensed up and Alex turned around, stepping in front of Shaz and clenching her fists. Her fighting instinct vanished when she realised it was only Ray. 

“Sorry to interrupt Drake” he started, looking everywhere apart from at Shaz “Guv wanted to know if we were ok to move away from here, go to Luigi’s?” he asked, gesturing around awkwardly. 

Alex looked back to Shaz who nodded very slightly. “Yes Ray” she turned back to him, “I think we’re ok to move.” 

Ray nodded in return. “Alright I’ll go and tell Gu-” he was cut short when Shaz, although supported by Alex, lost her footing and stumbled. Instinctively he lurched forward and caught the arm that wasn’t supported. “You’re alright Shaz” he muttered softly “We’ve got you.” He paused “You did us all proud tonight” he added as he tried to open the door of the Quattro without letting go of Shaz. He nearly let go of her, causing her to stumble again. Ray gasped, catching the attention of Chris and Gene. The latter of whom immediately ran to hold the door of the Quattro open. 

Helped by Ray and Alex, Shaz sat in the middle seat of the Quattro. With the briefest glance at Guv who nodded she was joined in the back by the latter, who immediately found her hand and squeezed it. 

Gene sighed and climbed into the driver’s seat of the Quattro. He was joined in the front by Ray, who glanced back at Shaz as he climbed in. Chris hesitated before climbing into the back. He tried to put a little bit of space between him and Shaz. Once he slammed his door shut, Gene wrenched the Quattro into gear and they drove off. 

\-----

Bringing the car to a stop outside Luigi’s Gene threw his door open. “I’ve got to get something from the station,” he muttered. “You two” he gestured to Chris and Ray “go and get a round in”

“Yes, Guv” Ray replied. He started to walk down the stairs before pausing, gesturing for Chris to follow him. With a quick glance back at the Quattro, Chris shoved his hand into his pockets and followed him. 

Shaz didn’t seem to notice they’d arrived. She kept her eyes down and the blanket pulled around her tightly, still looking like she wanted to disappear. Alex gently put her hand on her shoulder and spoke softly. “Are you alright Shaz?” she asked. It was clear Shaz wasn’t alright but Alex wanted to give her the option to explain it in a way that was comfortable for her. She shook her head. 

“I can’t” she whispered, so quietly Alex almost missed it “I can’t go into Luigi’s dressed in this”. For the first time, Shaz unwound the blanket that had been wrapped around her on the wasteland. 

Alex fought down a gasp as she realised Shaz’s jacket was covered in McLean’s blood. She quickly recovered herself and smiled. “I know, which is why I’m making you a cup of tea and getting you a change of clothes before we go to Luigi’s”. She slid out of the Quattro and held an arm out to Shaz, who after a minute gave a watery smile and followed her. 

\------

After getting a towel and a change of clothes for Shaz, Alex went back to the kitchen. Throwing Shaz’s bloodied jacket down into the bin, per her request. As she moved around the kitchen preparing their drinks she made a mental note to take Shaz shopping to replace the jacket that had been ruined. Pouring water over her tea bag, and milk on top of the cocoa powder in Shaz’s mug she sighed. She’d heard Shaz complain about people ruining tea by adding sugar often enough in CID and didn’t think she’d appreciate it now. Picking up the two mugs and the biscuit tin she walked through to the living room and set it all down on the coffee table. She turned and started absentmindedly straightening the cushions on the sofa. The sound of the bathroom door opening caught her attention and she put the cushion she’d been holding down and turned around. 

Although Shaz was no more than eight years younger than Alex and was an adult, seeing her so vulnerable and knowing that a few short hours ago they’d nearly lost her for good brought out a sense of protectiveness in Alex. Something she hadn’t felt since leaving 2008. Shaz looked so lost like she still didn’t know or care where she was. Slowly, Alex walked over to her, putting an arm around her gently when she was close enough to. “Come on ” she guided Shaz to the sofa and helped her sit down “Drink this, you’ll feel better” She handed the mug of hot chocolate to Shaz before picking up her tea. She waited until Shaz had had a few sips of her drink before she spoke again. “I know that this was your last case. But I hope you know we are all so proud of you” she paused, trying to find the right way to say what was on her mind. “You know, CID is a team, who stick together” her voice was soft “If you ever need anything from any of us we’ll always be here for you, even if you’re not working for the Met anymore.” She paused to take a few mouthfuls of her own tea. 

Although a little bit of colour had returned to Shaz’s cheeks, her hands still shook slightly as she put her mug down on the table. “Thanks, Ma’am” she inhaled shakily. “I appreciate it” She didn’t look up when she spoke and Alex felt her heart sink slightly. She felt like there was something else bothering Shaz, that had been there ever since she’d woken up from her coma. She didn’t want to be the one to start the conversation but when Shaz didn’t speak again she found herself prompting instinctively. 

“Is everything alright Shaz?”

She hadn’t been expecting a response and was surprised when Shaz shook her head. “I- I just” she dropped her head into her hands and ran a hand over her hair. She took a couple of steadying breaths before she spoke again. “So much went wrong Ma’am” she paused and swallowed “when you weren’t here. We were all so on edge and I couldn’t sleep, I kept thinking if I did I’d lose Chris and Ray and then one day I very nearly did. They were chasing a blagger and took a corner too quickly and their car flipped” she was vaguely aware of Alex gasping but carried on anyway “they walked away unhurt because the law had just changed about seatbelts and they knew they might get checked. That’s the only reason they’d put them on, but getting that phone call-” Shaz’s voice broke and she began to cry. 

Alex didn’t speak immediately but gently put an arm around Shaz and moved her head so it was resting on her shoulder. “It’s alright Shaz” she whispered softly, resting her cheek on top of Shaz’s head, the way she’d done at the wasteland. “What’s important is that they survived, I survived, you’ve survived.” 

Shaz shook her head “I was so angry with them.” she sniffed “Chris knew that I was struggling and when I got to the hospital they were just making jokes about it” She paused and dragged her hand across her face, smiling gratefully when Alex pushed a box of tissues across the table towards her. “I’m guessing no one told you but that was actually the final straw” Alex shook her head and Shaz continued “He couldn’t understand why I was so upset, we ended up having quite a nasty fight and” She stopped again, wiping her eyes on a tissue Alex handed to her. “I threw him out” seeing Alex’s look of confusion she explained “he moved in, the day after you were shot and Guv went on the run” pausing to take a sip of her drink she took in Alex’s look of surprise “Neither of us could have managed on our own. I started having nightmares and didn't want to be alone.” She sniffed a couple of times before carrying on “The accident just brought all of it to a head, his reaction was what sent me over the edge. I’m not proud of it ma’am” she sighed, scrunching the tissues in her hand “as soon as I’d done it I felt like it wasn’t the right thing to do but I couldn’t take it back” she looked down again “I didn’t expect the idea of Chris moving on to hurt, but it did” 

Alex shifted along the sofa and gently pulled Shaz back into a hug. “You did what you thought was right for you at the time Shaz, no one can fault that” she paused, thinking about Shaz’s second comment “It’s understandable that it hurts, you were engaged to him Shaz, you can’t just switch those feelings off, no matter how much you might want to pretend you can.” 

Shaz found herself returning Alex’s hug. Truthfully, sitting in Alex’s flat, drinking tea and talking she felt better than she had in a long time. There was still one worry plaguing her though, before speaking she instinctively dropped her head. All but burying her face in Alex’s shoulder she whispered softly “So I haven’t made a complete mess of everything?” 

Alex pulled back slightly, enough to look Shaz in the eye “No, you haven’t Shaz. I promise” she was relieved to see Shaz smile for the first time in what felt like days. She smiled back before remembering something else “Someone once told me Shaz, that if you’re meant to have someone in your life, no matter what happens they will stay in your life.” She nodded towards the door, where the sound of laughter and shouting indicated the arrival of the rest of their colleagues. Shaz nodded and stood up, Alex following suit before continuing “I do think you and Chris were meant to be in each other’s lives, even if you weren’t meant to marry each other” as she turned to lock the door to her flat she found herself smiling. Shaz and Chris were clearly made for each other, even Ray could see that. She hoped it wouldn't be too long before Shaz and Chris realised it too. 

Turning back around she smiled at Shaz reassuringly and held out her arm. They walked down the stairs to Luigi’s and were met with a wall of cheers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter!
> 
> Hopefully, the next two chapters will go up tomorrow or failing that Christmas Eve.
> 
> As always please leave any thoughts in the comments :) xx


	3. Ray

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Whatever it is you're holding on to, you have to let it go because it's just going to keep on eating you up_ \- Series 3 Episode 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, 
> 
> We are with Ray for this chapter, following the events of 3x03. 
> 
> Most of the dialogue (with the exception of the conversation Alex has with Chris) is dialogue from the episode itself for which of course credit goes to the amazing writers of the series. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

As they returned from arresting Andy Smith Alex was vaguely aware of Ray storming off. Leaving her and Viv to fill in the paperwork. Any other day it would have really pissed her off and she probably would have followed him and dragged him back by his ear. Not today though. She wasn’t blind and could see that for whatever reason this case had really struck a nerve with Ray. 

A quick glance into CID told her that he hadn’t gone back to his desk. She contemplated where to go check next when she bumped into Chris coming out of the toilets. 

“Gosh, Sorry Chris I didn’t even see you there”

Chris didn’t seem bothered and shrugged his shoulders “It’s ok” he smiled before catching sight of Alex’s face. Although she had smiled apologetically when she first bumped into him, her face had become overshadowed with anxiety he had never seen before. “Is everything alright boss- er ma’am?” he asked, knowing full well that it wasn’t but also not expecting an answer.

For a few seconds Chris doubted whether Alex had heard him, she was looking all around her for something before she shook herself. “Sorry Chris, I’m fine thank you-” she smiled again, but like before it was clear she was distracted. “I was just wondering, have you seen Ray anywhere? I’ve just checked the office and he’s not there.”

Chris started to shake his head before nodding “He walked behind me as I was going into the bogs. Looked like he might’ve been healing for the roof” He gestured over his shoulder. 

Alex nodded “Thanks Chris.” she muttered, giving him a quick smile before running down the corridor and up the stairs to the roof. 

As she pushed open the door at the top of the stairs she was almost pushed backwards by the wind. Drawing her blazer closer around her she stepped through the door and looked around. It didn’t take her long to spot Ray, standing on one of the higher levels of the roof. He was staring out across London with his back to her. Slowly she stepped towards him, not wanting to startle him but also not wanting to give him the chance to avoid her again. As she approached him he turned, the sound of her heels on the concrete catching his attention. 

Crossing her arms Alex tried to meet his eyes “Are you ok Ray?” she asked. She knew the answer already, regardless of whether he’d admit it or not. 

Unsurprisingly Ray nodded “Yeah” he wouldn’t meet her eyes, choosing instead to look over London again. “I come up here to breathe sometimes” he glanced back at her “I feel like I’m choking”. Although his voice was steady, his face carried a weariness Alex had never noticed before. Not only that but his eyes were clouded with dark emotion. Despair or frustration maybe. Whatever it was Alex couldn’t pinpoint it. 

Holding Ray’s gaze she nodded at him “That was a brave thing you did” she sighed ”arresting him, was tough?” Although she hadn’t meant for it to come out, the latter part of what she said sounded like a question. Once again the answer was obvious but for once Ray didn’t make a snarky comment. Instead, he just nodded. 

“Yeah” As he spoke, Ray turned away from her again. 

“It took guts,” Alex added. 

Although he didn’t turn back to face her completely Ray looked at Alex out of the corner of his eye, a small smile forming on his face. Wanting his undivided attention Alex pressed on “You remember I said as you ran into the fire.” Ray turned to face her “You had a look in your eye?” Alex asked, her tone soft. A testament to how fragile the trust and respect they had recently gained for one another was. 

Ray laughed softly “Yeah I was bricking it” he muttered, biting back down on the chewing gum in his mouth. 

Alex shook her head slightly “No, it was something else” she muttered, her face pulling into a frown as she studied Ray. Almost like she was hoping he would give her the answers “It was the strangest look” she added, a confused smile briefly crossing her face.

Ray sighed and rolled his eyes good-naturedly “Go on then, I’m all agog” he replied, stumbling over his words slightly, almost like he had realised slightly too late where the conversation was going but finding himself in a position where he could no longer walk away. Alex hoped, although she knew it was a long shot, that maybe she was right, Something was bothering Ray and he had just never had the opportunity or the strength to confront it. Studying his face again, she felt something click into place. 

“It was hope” she whispered, nodding as she became more confident in her realisation “desperate hope.”

Ray shook his head “For what?” he asked the confusion that minutes ago had been shadowing Alex’s face crossed his face briefly.

Alex held his gaze “Going into that fire wasn't just about helping the woman who was trapped” as she spoke she nodded again “It was going to help you, too” Although she knew she was right, she couldn’t miss the confusion that took over Ray’s face once again. 

He shook his head “How’s it helping me?” As he spoke, Alex caught the uncertainty in his voice, the cry for help. As he looked up at her again she realised he wanted her to provide some insight. She was a psychologist after all, but for once she was well and truly stuck. 

Sadly she shook her head “I don’t know Ray” she sighed “But whatever it is you’re holding on to. You have to let it go” Ray dropped his gaze like he was scared of what she was going to say next. Alex nodded at him “Otherwise it’s just going to keep on eating you up in there”. 

Ray looked down, his face pulling into a smirk “Nothing eats away at these guts Drake”. 

Seeing his guard being brought back up Ale could do nothing but smile sadly. Turning around she walked back towards the door, she wondered if any of the others had noticed what was wrong. She knew he was closer to Chris and the Guv, but this was 1983, and feelings, no matter who you were, weren't talked about. You pushed them down and pretended they weren’t there. She realised with a sigh that if anyone was going to get through to Ray, it would have to be her. 

~~~~  
As Ray had led Andy Smith past her, their eyes had met for a brief second. Alex could see clearly the trauma in Ray’s eyes. The shame he’d been carrying with him for years now. She knew in that moment, that was what had been holding him back. The feeling he had to let go of. 

It made sense, after his monologue. He’d failed his family, the only one out of generations to not be a hero, at least not a _proper_ hero. Although she didn’t know much about any of her colleagues' families, in that moment she wished she did. Ray had been a hero to many people in the time she’d worked with him. That first year she’d been there, he’d planted cocaine in the car of a serial rapist when it became clear the victims wouldn’t press charges. Although they definitely didn’t see eye to eye on many things, she couldn’t deny the respect she held for Ray and felt he deserved the same respect from his family. 

~~~~~

Leaning against the Quattro. The two of them watched as uniform put Andy Smith in the back of a patrol car. Ray seemed calmer, more confident that Alex had seen him recently. She felt a smile form on her face as she leaned over to him “And?” she asked, half expecting Ray to tell her to piss off. 

To her surprise he didn’t “I just played up to him y’know” he shrugged “tried to connect with him” he turned away from Alex and nodded like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince Alex or any of the others.

Alex nodded “Yeah” she sighed “Everybody knows that” as she spoke she tilted her head ever so slightly behind them, indicating Chris and Gene, who were still speaking to Smith’s wife. Ray glanced at her and nodded in agreement before looking away again. Alex felt something fall into place in her mind. Raising her eyebrows she leaned over to Ray. “So?” she began, hoping that Ray would finally drop his guard and talk to her. 

Ray stopped for a moment before leaning over and pecking Alex on the cheek. She looked over at him in surprise. When he looked back she realised what he was trying to tell her. Whatever _psychobabble_ was going on in her head was accurate to how he was feeling. He knew that she’d worked it out and this was his way of keeping her quiet, but there was something else. Some kind of truce, for all the differences they’d had in the past Ray, was putting aside in favour of newfound respect. As he pulled away he nodded at her “If you tell anybody I’ll put itching powder down your knickers for a month. You’ll be praying for a dose of the clap just to take the heat away”

Alex pursed her lips but didn’t comment _, of course,_ being a man in CID there had to be some kind of sleazy comment even in a serious situation. She looked down, preparing to speak again but before she could a voice behind them barked. 

“RAY! Arse off the Quattro!”

With a resigned smile at Alex Ray pushed off the Quattro and walked back to the house to join Chris. 

~~~~

Alex sighed and took a sip of her wine. She was glad that Shaz had realised her relationship with Julian wasn’t what was right for her. So many people didn’t realise when relationships weren’t working until it was too late, which had been a mistake she had made when she was Shaz’s age. As Shaz drained her glass Alex found her attention caught by the conversation being had by Ray and Gene on the other side of the restaurant”

“Three words” He held out the cigar “Well done Ray.”

Ray seemed slightly stunned, he didn’t speak for long enough that it caught Gene’s attention “You OK Raymondo?” he asked, concerned, flickering across his face. 

Ray nodded and picked up the cigar “Yeah, I’m ok thanks Guv.”

Gene seemed satisfied and walked away. Chris looked up from the other side of the bar “You had us all going with that story of your dad and the army and that” he laughed “Tears in your eyes,” he gestured with his hands “the works”. 

Ray chuckled softly “Yeah, I had myself going a little bit.”

Chris smiled and raised his glass to Ray in a silent toast, which was returned with the cigar. 

As Chris caught Shaz’s eye and walked towards their table Alex pushed up from her seat and joined Ray at his table. She waited for him to protest and when he didn’t she cleared her throat. “Your dad would have been really proud of you today Ray” she began, sincerely. Although she didn’t know Ray’s family, she couldn’t imagine any parent, herself included that wouldn’t have been proud of what Ray had achieved that day. 

He looked down and frowned “Well” he sighed, studying the cigar in his hands “He wouldn’t have told me even if he was.” He half expected Alex to argue with him, it would be true to form after all.

To his surprise, she didn’t. She looked contemplatively around Luigi’s before back at him. “The same way you’d never tell Chris he’s the best friend you’ve ever had?” Ray followed her glance at Chris but didn’t look away and at that moment Alex knew she had been spot on. “Or you’d never tell the Guv you worship the ground he walks on.” Again, Ray followed her gaze and Alex felt her heart lift as a smile formed on Ray’s face. She sighed “And your dad, would probably never have been able to say to your face that he was really _really_ proud of you today.”

Ray looked down, for a second Alex was worried that he may have been fighting back tears. Although she cared deeply about everyone in CID, Ray crying was something that even she, a trained psychologist, could deal with. The worry only lasted a few seconds though as Ray looked up and met her eyes. 

“Alex-” he began, an uncertainty still present in his voice.

Alex tried to keep her voice calm when she replied, just in the unlikely scenario Ray was about to give her some kind of emotional insight into his character. “Yes, Ray?”

“I meant what I said” he continued “About the itching powder down your knickers.”

At that, Alex couldn’t help but laugh, any other day the comment would have irritated her to the point she wouldn’t have dignified it with a response, but looking at Ray she could see that because of the most recent case, Ray had let go of what Alex could only guess was some of his deepest trauma. Not only that but he had trusted her, which meant more to her than she would care to admit. 

As Gene walked back over to their table she became aware of the newfound confidence Ray seemed to have found, from here, she knew he could only go up. Looking from Gene to Ray she joined in the silent toast with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, three down one to go,
> 
> I'm not sure when the final two chapters will go up. Hopefully it will be soon though!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, as always please leave any thoughts in the comments and happy holidays everyone! Please stay safe xx :).


	4. Gene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You're Gene Hunt. You're their Guv. That's what I'm here for if nothing else_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, Happy new year!
> 
> I hope you enjoy the next final two chapters of this fic, both set during 3x08, the dialogue in this chapter and the first half of the following chapter (outside the railway arms until Alex enters the pub) is from the episode, for which credit of course goes to the writers of the show.

Alex picked her way across the remains of CID, tissues in hand. Her own tears had subsided quickly when she saw the resigned grief in Gene’s eyes. Keats hadn’t only ripped Gene’s kingdom apart, he had taken his most loyal foot soldiers with him. She couldn’t believe that Ray and Chris wouldn’t come back. They had to, they just had to. This _couldn’t_ be how it was all going to end. But looking around CID it was hard to stay positive. From the way he had slumped against the wall and not moved it was clear that Gene had already given up, a part of her wondered if he would have cared if she’d followed Keats. 

Carefully she lowered herself down onto the floor opposite Gene. He’d barely looked at her since Keats had left with the others, almost like he was scared that if he did she’d realise she’d be better off with the others. Even though it wasn’t true. She hadn’t forgotten what Ray had said to her when she’d arrived.

_If you’re smart, you’ll learn that being where the Guv is is the right place to be_

It was. She knew that now, he’d looked after all of them, no matter what. She thought of all the times they had crossed swords and no matter how angry they had been with each other, if she’d been in danger he’d been there in a heartbeat. They were unbreakable.

Silently she passed the tissues to Gene, who began tending to his nosebleed. “You know” she began, her face pulling into a small smile “When I first came here. I can’t tell you how scared I was.” Shifting slightly she drew her knees up towards her chest ”Spent half my life studying psychosis and there I was. Thought I was as mad as a bag of bees” 

For the first time Gene looked up at her, a small smile forming on his face “You looked good though” he muttered, still trying to wipe the blood from his face. 

Alex frowned “I was dressed as a prostitute” She reminded him, although it wouldn't have been out of character for him to mean that. 

Gene chuckled slightly “My point” 

Any other day Alex might’ve rolled her eyes at the comment or made some snarky reply, but this wasn’t any other day. Although there might be some comfort in familiarity, Alex knew it would be out of place here. CID was the one place that had always been a home to anyone who’d worked there, but in the space of a few days, it had become a place of bitterness, pain, and hostility. Even if it was good-natured, Alex couldn’t bring herself to be snarky with him. Instead she smiled as she remembered her first day in this world “Then there was this car and these boots, and you,” She beamed “Gene Hunt”.

For the first time Gene looked at her, his expression completely neutral “My real name is Nigel Perkins.” Alex tilted her head slightly, a frown forming on her face. She couldn’t believe it was true, she stared at him in surprise. It wasn’t long before the facade cracked and he sighed “No I’m joking it’s Gene Hunt.”

Alex frowned slightly and she looked down “You know you’re the most difficult, stubborn” she paused to think “Obnoxious” she added, raising her eyebrows. “Misogynistic and reckless human being I’ve ever met ” She finished, shaking her head.

“Come on” Gene muttered “Surely you’ve missed one out”

Alex smiled “Yet somehow” she added as she studied Gene’s face “You make us all feel safe”. 

Gene glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and sighed “It’s over Bolly” he looked down, the same resignation that had taken over his face when Keats had swept out with his team returned. “No use trying to cheer me up”.

Alex sighed, she knew she couldn’t bring his team back, or take away the wretchedness Gene felt. Although she knew that he was still reeling from the loss of Chris and Ray, there was something she needed to know. “Just tell me,” She began quietly like she was talking to a frightened animal “What happened to Sam?” Gene looked at her, but his face was unreadable. “You said the last thing he did was go to the pub. Why?”

Gene scoffed, a shadow of the Manc Lion he had been hours ago. “You don’t need to put the word why after the word pub” He grumbled. 

_Of course_. Alex thought. In all the chaos and trauma she had actually forgotten the fact that most of her colleagues, and probably herself, were complete alcoholics. It was a world away from 2008, where she had never gone out without some reason to celebrate. Refusing to give up she pressed on “Why?” She only hoped that after everything Gene wouldn’t put his guard back up. She thought of all the times she had tried to get past the walls he put up around his emotions. 

Gene sighed “Because that’s what you do after a job.” He was telling her the truth. It had been their tradition for three years, it just wasn’t the whole truth. He could tell she still wasn’t ready to hear the whole truth. He knew she had a purpose here still and only after that could she learn the truth. 

“You foil a blag you go to the boozer,” Alex’s voice cut through his thoughts. _Bloody psychologists_ he thought. He wondered if he would ever catch a break with this woman. He realised immediately he wouldn’t when she spoke again. “Is that how it’s meant to end Gene?”

He didn’t answer her, which was enough of an answer for her. Clearly going to _the pub_ had some kind of wider significance he wasn’t willing to share with her. She looked around CID, taking in the destruction. Suddenly she caught sight of the whiteboard. It was odd, that after all the destruction he’d caused, Keats had left it intact. 

Pushing up off the floor she stepped over Gene’s legs and picked her way back across CID. Studying Ray’s plan for the raid. Seeing Gene hadn’t moved she spoke “According to this, Ray’s planned a raid, London East Aerodrome.” As she got closer she caught sight of the names of the suspects. “Eric Hoorsten” she muttered, more to herself than Gene as she began sifting through the papers littering Ray’s desk. Reading through the plan for the raid she couldn’t hide how impressed she was with the work of their team. While her (and Gene’s) worlds had been falling apart they had planned a watertight trap for their thieves. She glanced behind her at Gene, who was still leaning against the wall the other side of CID. Try as she might, he seemed to be refusing to engage at all with the blag, he seemed like he wanted to distance himself from the person he’d become completely. This wasn’t the Gene Hunt she’d met two years ago, the man who loved westerns, who fancied himself a hero. The man in front of her was a shadow of the man she knew. 

As she thought about the years they had spent together, the way they’d relied on each other, trusted each other through some of the worst times CID had experienced, even the past few days, where they had been caught at odds constantly because of Keats, what it boiled down to was here and now. She had stayed, despite everything Keats had told them, the rest of the team walking away. She was here because he needed her here. He needed someone to remind him what he could do this, she just needed to work out how. 

Studying the plan, she felt herself shake off the events of the day. Somehow she knew this blag was important but more than that she knew she needed Gene to join her. Thinking back, she thought about how Gene had refused to give up cases, even when he’d risked no end of consequences for himself. She’d told him once he was a control freak and it was still true. With a start, she realised what she had to do. Walking around to the whiteboard she began placing the remaining members of CID in different positions around the aerodrome. 

”Ok, so we put Terry on the perimeter fence?” She began, picking up the pen as if to write on the board. ,

“Terry?” Gene snorted from his position on the floor “Have you got any idea how bad his eyesight is?”

Silently Alex allowed herself a smile. Gene was incapable of letting anyone else plan a sting. Particularly if the person in question was clearly screwing it up. She turned around “Alright Bammo then”. 

Behind her Gene sighed “Why don’t you draw them into the cargo hangar” he paused, giving Alex time to find it on the map “Put Bammo and Cotsey on perimeter. Keep them out of it till things start getting a bit tasty.” He thought for a moment “They can stay out on the apron road until-” He scoffed and pushed himself off the floor. “Oh give over woman”

Alex felt her face pull into a smile as Gene turned his attention to the whiteboard. 

~~~~  
Gene had been unnervingly quiet ever since the remains of CID had arrived, The refound confidence he had when planning the sting and he had retreated into his office, but not before Alex had seen the uncertainty clouding his eyes. Wordlessly, she followed Gene to his office and shut the door behind her. 

He stopped in front of his desk, his back to his team. Alex knew it was because he didn’t feel like the Guv they had all known. He felt like the nineteen-year-old who had been shot in the farmhouse. 

But that wasn’t who he was, at least not to this team. Alex carefully stepped around him and perched on the end of his desk. “You’re Gene Hunt” she whispered, trying to catch his eye “You’re their Guv. That’s what I’m here for” she reminded him “If nothing else” She felt her voice falter as she spoke, blinking back the tears in her eyes. It wasn’t just that she wanted him to believe her, she _needed_ him to believe her. More than that, Ray, Chris, and Shaz needed him to believe her. Without him, this sting would fall apart. 

It took long seconds but eventually, Gene sighed, glancing up at the ceiling before meeting her gaze. Her heart lifted at the look in his eyes. The Manc Lion fire was back, but there was something else. She felt her heart skip when she placed what it was. Love. Grateful, vulnerable, hopeful love. “Thank you” he whispered, not needing to say anything else. Alex beamed at him as he turned around to address his team in CID. She’d made him believe in himself again, which was enough to inspire belief from the team  



	5. One time they looked after her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the title suggests. 
> 
> _Way of the world Alex. She'll be fine_ \- Series 3 Episode 8

Alex blinked back tears as she watched Ray, Chris, and Shaz disappear through the doors of the pub. She would miss them, almost as much as she had missed Molly. In the time she had been separated from her daughter, the four of them had formed a family around her. But  
at least if she was losing them she would have her daughter back. She turned back towards Gene with a watery smile. 

“So that’s it” she whispered, “I help bring them here with you.” She spoke slowly as her mind processed what was happening “It’s over I can go home, Gene”. She felt her heart lift, then plummet when she met Gene’s gaze. 

He had been silent after he’d said his goodbye to Ray, but as Alex looked at him she saw something in his eyes. It told her everything he hadn’t said. She felt her chest tighten and was only able to force out one word “Gene.”

He met her eyes and to her horror, she realised he was blinking back tears of his own. The rest of his expression was unreadable. She frowned trying to work out what was wrong. She felt guilty about going back to Molly, but her daughter had to come first, always. Gene would always be able to build another team. Molly would never have another mother. She almost missed Gene glancing up, but when he caught her eye she felt a cold chill take hold of her heart. She realised he was upset, but his sadness wasn’t for himself. It was for her. 

She momentarily felt herself be thrown back to her hospital room in 2008, aware of an extended beep from the machine monitoring her heart rate. Blinking, she came back to the December nighttime of 1983. She felt her a lump form in her throat, threatening to choke her. Furiously she swallowed it down before forcing herself to speak “I’m lying in a-” her voice cracked, almost like it was trying to stop her from telling the truth, stop her from making it real. She inhaled shakily “in a hospital bed!”

Alex’s despair brought Gene out of his trance and he stepped towards her, holding his arms out. “Come here Bolls” he whispered, pushing through the emotions threatening to rise in his throat. 

Alex shook her head “No, No It isn’t true!” she sobbed, moving away from Gene as if someone else had the power to help her.

A voice from behind them snapped Alex out of her hysteria. “Of course it’s not true”.

Gene felt his hand curl into a fist as Jim Keats walked up the road towards them. He turned around as Keats approached, a smirk barely concealed on his face. “He wants you to give up on your life” 

Alex stepped away from him. For all she didn’t want to believe Gene, she wouldn't trust Keats with a used paper towel. Not after what he’d done to their team. 

Keats didn’t seem to notice and stepped forward again. Glancing from Gene to Alex he raised his eyebrows “I told you he’d trick you” he smirked, bringing a hand to his neck and pulling a scarf out from under his coat. 

Alex stepped away from him. The scarf was all too familiar. He held it out to her and she felt the air leak out of her lungs. 

Trying to unwind the knot in her chest she forced two words out “It’s Molly’s” she gasped, stepping forwards like she was in a dream. She pulled the scarf from Keats’s hand and breathed deeply. There was no mistaking it for anyone else's. This was Molly’s scarf. She felt her chest loosen slightly and was able to whisper “It’s hers.” She glanced at Gene again. His expression was unchanged. 

Keats’s voice took her attention again “She’s waiting for you” he continued rapidly. Almost like he was afraid she’d walk away if he didn’t keep talking “I can take you to her Alex.” 

As she absorbed Keats’s words, movement from Gene caught her eye. His attention was completely taken by Keats, anger radiating from his face as he shook his head. Oddly, she felt more convinced at that moment that Keats was lying than she would have done had Gene said anything. She could almost read his mind. That he was wondering whether Keats would ever let them go. She knew there was one way to tell if he was telling the truth. Swallowing down the lump in her throat and blinking back the tears in her eyes she asked “What time is it?”

“What?” Keats had clearly been caught off guard by her question. 

She stepped forward “What time is it?” She repeated, reaching out and catching hold of Keats’s arm “Show me- Show me your watch”.

At that moment the confusion on Jim’s face changed from confusion to panic. “No- no it’s broken” he stammered frantically trying to pull his arm out of Alex’s grip. 

He wasn’t quick enough and Alex scoffed slightly. “9:06” she whispered “It’s always 9:06”. She dropped his arm and glared at him, the pieces finally coming together “That was the time in my hospital room”

At this point Keats desperately tried to interrupt her “Alex” he began, trying to gain her focus again. 

She barely heard him “That was the time that I-” she broke off, unable to carry on. 

Keats stepped forward again and tried to interrupt her “No. Alex I-” he stopped short as Gene stepped between them. 

Alex barely noticed. She was so caught up with the inner battle that for a minute she lost track of her surroundings. She was gone, she’d broken the one promise to Molly she swore she’d never break and now her daughter would have to live through the same pain and trauma Alex had gone through. It broke her heart. She knew she hadn't been a perfect mother but hoped that if nothing else Molly knew that she loved her. Her thoughts were interrupted by a groan from in front of her. She looked up and saw Gene standing over Keats, shaking out his fist. She looked down and took a moment to steel herself. She knew Gene had turned around and didn’t want to show him how broken she truly felt. She couldn’t, not now. He’d just lost Ray and Chris and Shaz, the people most important to him. He didn’t need her to ‘have a turn’ on him, as he would put it. As he stepped towards her she looked up and her resolve crumbled, the tears she fought back began streaming down her face, grieving the life she had lost. 

Gene stopped when she looked up, he didn’t speak but met her gaze, his eyes set with a calm sympathy. She held the scarf up. Forcing round the lump in her throat, she met Gene’s eyes “My baby” she whispered, unable to say anymore as the grief tightened in her chest. 

Gene looked down. He could hear the grief in her voice and he knew nothing he could do would take away the pain she was feeling no matter how much he wanted to. She’d fixed so many things for so many people and now it was her who needed help that he couldn’t give. “I know, I know, I know” he muttered. Stepping forward he held her gaze “Way of the world Alex” he sighed before straightening up “She’ll be fine.” As he spoke he nodded a silent promise. After all, Alex had lost her parents when she was young and she’d turned out alright, all things considered. 

Alex looked up at his words and found herself nodding “Alright” she whispered. As difficult as it was to accept, Alex knew Gene was right. Eventually, Molly would be alright. She had Evan. Evan loved her and would take good care of her, just as he had done for her all those years ago. 

Gene nodded again and Alex felt some of the heaviness in her chest lift. She moved forward with a cautious smile. “But listen, listen to me” she whispered “I can stay here, with you” she stepped forward again to rest her hands on Gene’s chest. “You can’t do this on your own”, her words began to mingle with sobs as she caught hold of his lapels “You need me Gene I can’t- I can’t go in there”. 

Gene held her gaze, his neutral expression reflective of the odd sense of acceptance he felt. No matter how much you loved someone. How much they made you a better person or how much they meant to you. If you loved someone, at some point you had to let them go. Let them go because it was what they needed. That was love, at least to Gene. His team were his family. The pain in the arse that was Sam Tyler and his soppy plonk Cartright. His two finest deputies, the smart little plonk Granger. Not that he’d ever have admitted it if any of them asked but they were the most important people in his life. He’d looked after them and when their time had come he’d moved them on, the way it should be. It might hurt him to say goodbye, but not as much as it would hurt his team if he didn’t. What had nearly happened with Chris and Ray was evidence of that. There would always be another Keats, as long as there was someone to help lost souls, there would always be someone trying to collect them. 

As he looked back at Alex he felt an all too familiar pull in his chest “Yes you can” he replied, his mouth pulling into a half-smile “They’ve got a saloon bar” seeing her relax slightly he pushed on quickly before she could draw breath to argue. “Can’t have you putting me off my stride” He chuckled “I mean, I’ll end up wondering if I’m not completely right all the time, we can’t have that.” He looked down briefly before meeting her eyes again, trying not to let the emotion evident in her eyes become mirrored in his. “Still, weren’t bad though were we?” 

Alex didn’t reply immediately but rummaged in her pocket. Gene felt his breath catch as he saw the Epaulette number in her hand. The one she’d taken off the scarecrow at the farmhouse. She sniffed slightly and blinked furiously before holding it out to him with a quiet “here.”

Gene took the number from her and held it for a moment, allowing the memories to flood his mind. He felt the emotion rise in his chest again but pushed it back down. This clearly wasn’t easy for Alex but he would be damned if he was going to let his emotions make it harder. Shoving the numbers into his pocket he met her eyes again. They were still flooded with tears, but she was calm. Resigned to the inevitable. Swallowing the wave of emotion again he spoke softly “See you around Bolly-Kecks”. He allowed his eyes to drop to her lips one last time, before looking back up at her. She surprised him by stepping forward and bringing a hand to his cheek. He only had a split second to prepare himself before her lips were against his. He was aware of the tears running down her face but before he could move his hand to catch them she pulled back slightly. 

She didn’t move far, she created enough space between them to whisper two words. Words Gene knew had been coming since they’d arrived at the pub. That didn’t make them any easier to hear. 

“Goodbye Guv” Alex whispered, gently tracing Gene’s cheek with her thumb. 

Gene steeled himself. “Go” he whispered in reply. He was aware that if he didn’t send her now, he probably never would. He sensed her hesitancy as she pulled away from him but as she turned around she seemed to steel herself and she walked to the pub and through the door without looking back. As she disappeared Gene felt his chest tighten, he knew he’d done the right thing. Much as he’d wanted her to stay here with him, he knew that wasn’t what was right for her, he would have no right saying he loved her if he was willing to keep her in purgatory when she didn’t belong there anymore. With a sigh, he turned away from the pub and walked back down the street.

~~~~~~~~~

Shaz lept off her barstool as soon as she saw Alex come through the doors of the pub alone. Ray and Chris were still talking to Sam, who had been about to leave for the night when they had arrived. Unseen by the trio she dodged between the chairs and tables. As she approached, she realised Alex’s eyes were still flooded with grief. Wordlessly, Shaz hooked her arm through Alex’s and gently led her to a table with two sofas on either side of it, in a quiet corner of the pub. Slowly she sat down on the sofa, bringing Alex down to sit next to her. She shifted slightly to put her arms around Alex, who returned the hug desperately. 

As Alex sobbed quietly Shaz kissed the top of her head softly before resting her cheek on Alex’s hair. “I’m so sorry ma’am” she whispered. “It isn’t fair on you”. Alex didn’t reply but instead clutched the back of Shaz’s jacket tighter. Carefully Shaz moved her hand up and down Alex’s back. “I know it probably doesn’t mean much now ma’am” Shaz began cautiously “but I know how proud of you Molly is”. It didn’t even seem like Alex had heard her but she decided to carry on. “As for the Guv, I know you think he’s an arse of the highest order for doing this but” Shaz became aware of the fact Alex’s breathing had steadied. She stopped moving her arm and shifted slightly to look Alex in the eye. “I promise you, if Guv sent you here rather than have you stay with him, it’s because you’re meant to be here. At least for now.” 

Alex looked up at Shaz and dragged her hand across her face “what if he forgets again?” She sniffed and ran a hand over her hair “That’s why I was there. To remind him who he was” 

Shaz shook her head “I don’t think he’d forget you ma’am. You mean too much to him” It was true. Shaz had only been in CID a few months before Alex had arrived, but she had seen how the Guv was around her, not only that but Chris had talked about Manchester, how different the Guv was. He’d told her that the way Guv and Ma’am were with each other wasn’t unlike how Guv had been with Sam Tyler, minus the underlying sexual tension. He’d said that he knew they meant more to the Guv than anything. 

Chris’s voice from behind her made her jump. “Shaz is right Ma’am” he sighed, taking a seat on the other side of Alex. “Guv never forgot about Sam, he just didn’t want to talk about him.” Chris gently pressed some tissues into Alex’s hand. “It hurt too much, particularly as he knew the truth about why Sam-” he broke off for a second and shook himself “Why Sam left.” 

As Chris spoke, Alex felt the pain in her chest relieve slightly. She turned to face him and he put a hand on her shoulder. “I promise you, ma’am, he loved you and he’ll come back for you.”

Alex didn’t realise there were still tears in her eyes until Chris moved to pull her into a hug which she gratefully returned. A part of her was aware that she should have been embarrassed, even a week ago the thought of showing emotion in front of any of the team, with the possible exception of Shaz, was unthinkable. This wasn’t a week ago though, so much had changed. 

As she pulled back from Chris and wiped her eyes again she was aware of someone pushing a glass of wine across the table towards her. She looked up to find Ray holding a pint of bitter, desperately avoiding her eyes. 

“Um,” he began awkwardly “I don’t know if you want a hug from me do yo-”. 

Alex smiled tearfully before standing up. “Of course I do you brute” she laughed, walking around the table “Come here”. 

Ray smiled sheepishly and pulled her into his arms. As he let her go he leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I will make one request though Drake” he began, laughing softly.

Alex raised her eyebrow “Yes?”

Looking down Ray stammered slightly “Please don’t cry again. I mean, birds crying is not something I can’t deal with normally but you” he looked at Alex briefly and saw her expression of disapproving confusion. Ray was quick to carry on “You’re tougher than most blokes I’ve met Drake and seeing you cry well” He paused, trying to think of an appropriate comparison. “It’s almost worse than seeing Guv cry.”

Alex wiped her eyes. “Sorry Carling,” she laughed softly, “I think I’m done now anyway”. Walking back around the table she picked up her wine glass, tapping the side to gain the attention of her colleagues she raised her glass. “To Fenchurch” she began, trying to force confidence into her voice.

Ray, Chris, and Shaz all held up their glasses “To Fenchurch” they echoed before taking their seats around the table. Looking around she felt the heaviness in her chest ease slightly. She knew deep down that Shaz was right. If Gene hadn’t followed her, he must have had a good reason. All she could do was hope that before too long he joined them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this fic, I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> As always please leave any thoughts in the comments :)

**Author's Note:**

> So one down, three to go. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed that chapter, as always leave your thoughts in the comments :)


End file.
